It's interesting how quickly you can go from teetering at the edge of a financial cliff, to suddenly being wildly successful, and then right back to the edge of the cliff, in mere HOURS. I don't romanticize my success (or lack thereof), because I think that it would set an unrealistic standard, not only for my readers, but for myself. In fact, i don't really write about my daily happenings, unless it's incredibly profound (which it usually isn't), which leads many people to judge my life through photoshopped self portraits, and an occasional celebrity client photo i may have. I receive emails everyday asking me how to become a makeup artist, or a model, or an actor, and exactly what steps you have to take to become successful. Apparently, to my fan base, I look successful. As flattering as this is, i'm hardly one to pretend i'm something i'm not.
Here's the deal: I have been broke for days. I don't even have enough money for a pack of cigarettes, groceries, or (lord have mercy) drugs and alcohol. Most of all, I don't have money for a new weave, and it is ruining my life. It's hard to feel good about yourself, when you're not feeling your most beautiful. I'm a very firm believer that your outside is going to directly effect your inside. If you don't feel beautiful, you won't look beautiful. And it's hard to feel successful, when I know I don't look my finest.
I worked on set of the Hot Chelle Rae Music premiere music video "I Like to Dance", featuring Stephanie Pratt (who were recently featured on UsWeekly.com). We filmed in the historical Fashion District in Downtown Los Angeles, in a Television Warehouse. We had party goers, dancers, the band, and of course Miss Pratt. Sounds absolutely amazing doesn't it? Everyone I grew up with back home is reading this and thinking "Oh my god! He made it! How glamorous!" Time for your reality check.
We had a 14 hour shooting day: from 4pm-6am in the middle of some warehouse district. Our glam squad of five had to set up our kits at TWO beauty booths, and a table. Will someone tell me how FIVE people are suppose to share TWO mirrors? That aside, once the sun set, the room upstairs became pitch black, and the only light we had were from the beauty booths. The artists who weren't working at them (myself and another artist) had to result in a work lamp, because the overhead light was busted.
For anyone who is a makeup artist (or knows anything about lighting), you know what a compromising position this puts us in. The harsh light floods the face, washing out the natural features, and every time you cross the light with your hand, it casts a gaping shadow onto your client's face. Basically it's extremely difficult, and can ruin your desired final look. Luckily for us, we had wonderful models and extras, who didn't mind sitting in our chair longer, so that we could perfect their looks in the substandard conditions.
Because I wasn't "Key Makeup Artist," I was at the end of the directing artist's leash. I was very fortunate to have my FABULOUS friend Lux share a similar creative vision with me, and it made my job very easy to do, because i understood what her vision was. The only down side was that I wasn't allowed to do the Key Character's makeup, which took away the chance to put a celebrity client in my portfolio. The feeling of being so close in proximity to someone who's FACE could boost your career and not having the opportunity to take advantage of that, is crushing.
Standing on set for hours on end in a cold, dark, room with tons of people I don't know, sounds exciting, but it's not. Standing in the same place holding a powder puff, paper towel, comb, and blush brush, for an unnamed amount of time, while older men with angry faces yell at everyone to do whatever they do, can get a little tedious. Then, when I finally have a moment to steal a smoke, three drags into it, I have the assistant director and two PA's yelling at me to run (the ten feet) back to set, where I stand there and wait (doing nothing) for another spell of countless hours.
Then comes the 3am dinner break! I have a full hour to eat the deliciously catered meal on set! A full hour dedicated to just me, where i can eat my food in peace, smoke a cigarette, and have an energy drink. But wait! by the time I've gotten everybody what they needs, I take two bites, and I'm told that I need to start prepping the band before the rest of the crew is done eating. No big deal, right? I could just finish eating when they start filming! Wrong. By the time I finished with them, my grilled salmon talapia was cold, and I had to go stand on set, ready to touch up the band at a moments notice.
Finally the end of the night rolls around, and it is 6am. I was so ready to eat and go to bed, that I could feel it calling my name. Not so fast, sister! I had to clean EVERY item in my makeup kit: Every eyeshadow I used, eyeshadow powders, all the foundation bottles, blushes, bronzers, pressed powders, loose powders, the facial lotions, primers, the loose blush that spilled all over the bottom of my kit, and then of course my massive amounts of brushes. Thirty minutes later, my entire kit was packed, and I was ready to go! Then I got to carry ALL of my vanities down into the car, pack it up, and wait for the rest of my glam squad to do the same.
Right before I leave, I walked over to the Producer's table to fill out paperwork and get my stipend. After 15 minutes of forms, I get the envelope with "Matty Beautiful" scrawled across the top. I rip it open to find a twenty dollar, and a five dollar bill.
14 hours of work, and a $25 pay off. No new additions to my portfolio. No new clients.
That my friends, is how my life works. Luckily for me, i grew up extremely poor, and can live on almost nothing. Maybe I should have stayed in college? Maybe I should have stayed home in Colorado? I don't agree with that. Although the night was long, cold, and had almost no pay off (even though I did just as much work as ANY other artist there) I have the time of my life.
I know that this HAS to be my calling, because I still find happiness working for 14 hours and only receiving $25. It truly is my passion to make people FEEL beautiful. Just be sure whatever you plan to do, you can be happy at the end of the day, with sore muscles, tired eyes, and a smile on your face; because sometimes, that's all you're going to get.
XXO
Matty Beautiful
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Starstruck. Baby Can You Blow My Heart Up?
Starstruckk. Baby Could Ya Blow My Heart Up?
Many people missunderstand my move to Los Angeles. constantly I am asked how frequently I work, who's makeup i'm doing, which famous people I have befriended, which celebritites I hate... It's a snowball of questions everytime I recieve a myspace comment, or wall post from a fan, or even an estranged friend. What people don't realize, is that although those seem like the obvious reasons to move to Hollywood; they weren't even present in my mind while deciding to move here.
It's hard for people to understand how I feel, because i'm not just any gay male. I'm am an extremely passionate, artistic, eccentric person who LIVES and BREATHES art and color. When someone on the street looks at me, I want them to see WHO I am. A balance of my personal expression, flirting with conventional boundries.
I wasn't born beautiful, like most of my friends. I never had a gorgeous body, I was never cool or accepted. Even by the gay community, I was an outcast for many, MANY, years. Only in the past 5, have I started to begin to accept my position in life. Like every other aspect of my life, nothing was going to be given to me, I had to earn it; i had to create who I am from the broken pieces i was given. Los Angeles is the mecca for the ugly, broken, and rejected. This is a place where you can take bits and pieces of the people around you, and create a new person. You become living and breathing found art. Walking the streets of downtown LA is like walking through a Lady GaGa music video: unique shapes and experiental color dancing through the streets.
Everyday is an experient. Everyday is a chance to create a new you. Everytime you sew a button to an old jacket, or clip in a brightly colored extension, or spray paint a stencil onto your sneakers, you're expereiencing the heartbeat of the city. You become an extension of what makes this city so great.
I have met hundreds and hundreds of people in Denver, and I consider myself pretty well known. Being the "big thing" has never been my goal or dream... it's always been being a part of something bigger than me, a movement, a lifestyle; it's what i've always wanted. My dream man? Dreams that same dream with me. In fact, I moved to Los Angeles to meet someone like me... Someone who created themselves out of nothing who had a unqiue beauty about them.
The beautiful thing about what i look for in a human, isn't that they have to live in Los Angeles, have a certain body type, or even dress a certain way... They have to be passionate and unique within themselves. You look on myspace, and you see copy cat imitators of sub-lebrities, everyone with their over priced corsets and matching hair... On the outside they appear to be such a free spirit, when on the inside, they are complete zombies like the rest of the world.The destination wasn't as important as the kind of people living there. If I had a better chance meeting someone who had a big enough heart to love me in Denver, I'd still be living there. I'd even move back from Hollywood for them. But the fact is, if there was really such a great guy there, i would have met him already. Trust me... i've searched. Los Angeles just has SO many unique characters, I HAVE to have a better chance of meeting that amazing person here.
I was seeing this guy named Erik, and he was a little heavy, had facial piercings, plugs, tattoos, was my age, and seemed really great! "Finally! someone i can appreciate! Someone who is a free thinker!" I thought to myself. Boy was I wrong.
On nights that he wasn't spending with me, he was stalking celebrities, and trying to meet them. He would drive to their houses, in the desperate attempt to "accidentally" run into them, just so that he would be able to claim that he's met them. You know those crazed fans with cell phone cameras that you see on TMZ and E!? He was one of them.
To add insult to injury, he would stalk my Twitter, myspace, and my facebook pages, see who I was talking to, add them, try and befreind them, and then talk poorly about me behind my back. Suddenly i noticed his pictures were starting to look like mine, his music player was a mirror to mine, and so was his myspace friend list. When I talked to said friends about his behavior, they just said "Oh we thought he was cool because YOU'RE friends with him."
This boy became obsessed with me in a matter of weeks, and was attempting to take over my life! Before i knew it, he was hitting on guys that I was talking to, quoting my twitter updates, and showing up to my frequent hang outs.
Josh Scott once told me that I shouldn't ever date someone because they were my biggest fan. You see, I have a problem with mistaking admiration for attraction. I think that just because someone researches my profile pages, that they have a genuine interest in me. That is definitely not the case... and I need to learn how to differentiate between the two.
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and they told me that I need to stop dating "down", and I need to date "up". When I asked him what he meant, he said that i keep going after these sad nobodies, that work remedial jobs, who i'm only with because they worship me... and that i need to date people who want to share my life, not take it over. It makes sense, because I have very little expectations for people. If you're nice and creative, you're okay in my book. If you're funny too, we MUST be soul mates. If we listen to the same music, we're going to have babies. It's ironic that the less expectaions I have for people, the more they dissapoint me.
It's all so comical: my dating life. I guess this is to be continued. (Hopefully)
XXO
Matty Beautiful
Many people missunderstand my move to Los Angeles. constantly I am asked how frequently I work, who's makeup i'm doing, which famous people I have befriended, which celebritites I hate... It's a snowball of questions everytime I recieve a myspace comment, or wall post from a fan, or even an estranged friend. What people don't realize, is that although those seem like the obvious reasons to move to Hollywood; they weren't even present in my mind while deciding to move here.
It's hard for people to understand how I feel, because i'm not just any gay male. I'm am an extremely passionate, artistic, eccentric person who LIVES and BREATHES art and color. When someone on the street looks at me, I want them to see WHO I am. A balance of my personal expression, flirting with conventional boundries.
I wasn't born beautiful, like most of my friends. I never had a gorgeous body, I was never cool or accepted. Even by the gay community, I was an outcast for many, MANY, years. Only in the past 5, have I started to begin to accept my position in life. Like every other aspect of my life, nothing was going to be given to me, I had to earn it; i had to create who I am from the broken pieces i was given. Los Angeles is the mecca for the ugly, broken, and rejected. This is a place where you can take bits and pieces of the people around you, and create a new person. You become living and breathing found art. Walking the streets of downtown LA is like walking through a Lady GaGa music video: unique shapes and experiental color dancing through the streets.
Everyday is an experient. Everyday is a chance to create a new you. Everytime you sew a button to an old jacket, or clip in a brightly colored extension, or spray paint a stencil onto your sneakers, you're expereiencing the heartbeat of the city. You become an extension of what makes this city so great.
I have met hundreds and hundreds of people in Denver, and I consider myself pretty well known. Being the "big thing" has never been my goal or dream... it's always been being a part of something bigger than me, a movement, a lifestyle; it's what i've always wanted. My dream man? Dreams that same dream with me. In fact, I moved to Los Angeles to meet someone like me... Someone who created themselves out of nothing who had a unqiue beauty about them.
The beautiful thing about what i look for in a human, isn't that they have to live in Los Angeles, have a certain body type, or even dress a certain way... They have to be passionate and unique within themselves. You look on myspace, and you see copy cat imitators of sub-lebrities, everyone with their over priced corsets and matching hair... On the outside they appear to be such a free spirit, when on the inside, they are complete zombies like the rest of the world.The destination wasn't as important as the kind of people living there. If I had a better chance meeting someone who had a big enough heart to love me in Denver, I'd still be living there. I'd even move back from Hollywood for them. But the fact is, if there was really such a great guy there, i would have met him already. Trust me... i've searched. Los Angeles just has SO many unique characters, I HAVE to have a better chance of meeting that amazing person here.
I was seeing this guy named Erik, and he was a little heavy, had facial piercings, plugs, tattoos, was my age, and seemed really great! "Finally! someone i can appreciate! Someone who is a free thinker!" I thought to myself. Boy was I wrong.
On nights that he wasn't spending with me, he was stalking celebrities, and trying to meet them. He would drive to their houses, in the desperate attempt to "accidentally" run into them, just so that he would be able to claim that he's met them. You know those crazed fans with cell phone cameras that you see on TMZ and E!? He was one of them.
To add insult to injury, he would stalk my Twitter, myspace, and my facebook pages, see who I was talking to, add them, try and befreind them, and then talk poorly about me behind my back. Suddenly i noticed his pictures were starting to look like mine, his music player was a mirror to mine, and so was his myspace friend list. When I talked to said friends about his behavior, they just said "Oh we thought he was cool because YOU'RE friends with him."
This boy became obsessed with me in a matter of weeks, and was attempting to take over my life! Before i knew it, he was hitting on guys that I was talking to, quoting my twitter updates, and showing up to my frequent hang outs.
Josh Scott once told me that I shouldn't ever date someone because they were my biggest fan. You see, I have a problem with mistaking admiration for attraction. I think that just because someone researches my profile pages, that they have a genuine interest in me. That is definitely not the case... and I need to learn how to differentiate between the two.
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and they told me that I need to stop dating "down", and I need to date "up". When I asked him what he meant, he said that i keep going after these sad nobodies, that work remedial jobs, who i'm only with because they worship me... and that i need to date people who want to share my life, not take it over. It makes sense, because I have very little expectations for people. If you're nice and creative, you're okay in my book. If you're funny too, we MUST be soul mates. If we listen to the same music, we're going to have babies. It's ironic that the less expectaions I have for people, the more they dissapoint me.
It's all so comical: my dating life. I guess this is to be continued. (Hopefully)
XXO
Matty Beautiful
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